HiveComb

Memories are inevitable, and they come and go. No one can say that he does not have a memory that comes back from time to time.

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Each time you remember that you have lost someone or that you lost something that is so dear to you, it makes you crazy, and this actually gives you a time to be down.

Piercing through my heart is the memory of how I lost my mum. As I am getting very close to next month, I am reminded that the one who was without conditions, the one who cared selflessly, the one who was there wishing I would get better, and the one you constantly told me I'll make here proud is no more.

Flipping through the pages of my heart to find a reason to forget her labour of love, I found nothing, but I keep seeing the reason to shed bitter tears, wishing there was nothing like this in my life.

Each achievement I attain keeps bringing the memory of my mum; I keep telling myself that she would have been here by my side, at least to see me happy and make her proud too.

If I have to erase a memory, I think I would love to erase this memory so I could move on. I have not been able to move on, and I can't deal with this loss. I now have an empty room in my heart and a noisy mind; sometimes I used to think so much that I heard myself speaking when my lips were not moving.

It's painful, it's tiring, and I want to erase this memory, but at the same time, I do not want to forget my mum forever. I am at a point where I am so confused. Why would life be so cruel? Good people are just always going through a lot of bad things; they may stay all their lives being sad and going to the world beyond without having to eat the fruit of their labour.

Mummy fought, she stood still, she never gave up, she was there for everyone, she did not hurt people, but life did not favour her. Her secret tears, her struggles, the battles. When no one was there, those were the times she needed to pretend as if all was fine when they were not actually fine, when everyone left but she still stood still. She would have just stayed with us.

In all of these, I find strength in the fact that she instilled in us the ability to be better; she possessed a lot of values that cannot be forgotten. Mummy made me strong and would always tell people to look beyond the now and actually face the future.

I wish to erase this memory so that I will find strength to move on, but at the same time, I really do not have to forget my mum.

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