HiveComb

One trait I believe many people can relate to, is people pleasing. The inability to refuse people, and instead of disappointing them, we just concur to whatever they request, notwithstanding how we feel at the time. I’ve been there before, done all that, yet it has taken me nowhere. I love being kind, doing nice things to people around me, and being loved in return. However, not everyone reciprocates in return, which is why it’s crucial to pour so much love into yourself, before others.

People pleasing, is now one of those things I’m glad to have left behind. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we all have diverse opinions, and diverse backgrounds so it is expected that our actions can never be the same. There are things I learnt to never do around others, thanks to my upbringing. But when I got to meet some people, they exhibit those traits, not caring how the person on the receiving end feels.

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Since realizing this, I’ve learnt the need to establish boundaries, make it known that I don’t accept a certain behavior. I once read somewhere, that as much as it feels good to be predictable, there’s also the need to be unpredictable. When you’re predictable in some situations, people know what they can do and cannot do around you. Having lived with different people in the past three years, I’ve seen this play out so well. People know what they’re doing most of the time, and they know who will tolerate the rubbish they’re meting out. Ever since learning that, I’ve learnt to make known the things I don’t like, the moment I notice them.

There’s also the issue of those people who take and take, without giving back. These set of people, would happily request for things, and you’d do it for them without thinking twice. However, when the reverse is the case in their situation, they are reluctant, and begin to list 100 reasons why they can’t give you that at the moment. Since meeting this kind of people, I’ve learnt to only give out what I can to people. I no longer go out of my way for any reason. I now do things only if it’s convenient.

Doing this has saved me from the stress of wondering why people are the way they are. It has saved me from the realizations that people you thought were on your side, were never with you. Rather they always had a party of their own, and you were being allowed in all along.

Understanding this has helped me put myself first in situations. Anything that would take a toll on me, I rarely do it for people. I now consider how I would feel first before considering others. Attaining this level wasn’t easy, after years of pleasing, and wanting to be pleased in return. However, if you’ve ever been in so many situations, where you realized that many people always know what they’re doing, and they will always put themselves first before you, you wouldn’t need anyone to teach you how to detach and prioritize your feelings.

Thanks for reading.